A few days ago, I wrote this post about training expectations of clients, specifically in the context of board and train. Today, my message is for the trainers.
When I was a baby trainer, one of the ideas that was drilled into me by the R+ community is that I am responsible for the success of my client. It’s up to me to match the training, management, and exercise plan with the owner’s needs and lifestyle. If they don’t have the money, I need to find a solution they can implement in one consultation. If they don’t have time, I need to create a plan they can be successful with in spite of their limited interaction with their dog. If they are couch potatoes and have an active dog, it’s up to me to figure out how they can adequately exercise their companion in a way that doesn’t interfere with their lifestyle. If they regularly have big parties in their home, but their dog bites people and screams when behind closed doors, my job is to figure out a solution for that, which doesn’t require keeping the grand babies and friends away. If the people have physical limitations, it’s my job to figure out how the arthritic, 80-year-old with thin skin and stability issues can enjoy living with their working line, adolescent GSD companion. If the people have the resources but just don’t wanna put in the work, it’s my job to motivate them.
While these are great goals, and certainly good trainers are able to come up with creative solutions that take into account the limitations of the guardians, it is unreasonable to place this much responsibility onto a trainer. Dogs have needs. Good behavior requires meeting those needs. Behavior change is dependent upon changing the environment, both the antecedent and the consequence, and many times, it is simply beyond the power of any trainer to provide a way for the owner to accomplish this that is also acceptable or possible for the owner. And that is not a problem with the trainer.
For example, a puppy isn’t potty trained, and the owner wishes to resolve this. Owner works full time. Puppy is not crate trained. Owner refuses to confine puppy in any way, even temporarily. Owner doesn’t have the financial resources to hire a walker, daycare, dog sitter, or day trainer. Owner cannot work from home. Owner lives alone and says they have no family or friends nearby that would help them out. Using a litter box or potty pads in the house is unacceptable to this owner.
This is an unsolvable problem. The puppy cannot be potty trained given this environment. The owner has to compromise on some ideas (confinement, litter box, etc.), has to find other resources (monetary, helpful family members, etc.), or they need to rehome this dog as they are simply not able to meet this dog’s needs. Those are the options. They are finite. And while the trainer can do their best to change some misguided views, they have no control over the owner’s prior learning history, the access to bad advice the owner currently has, opinions of other family members, or the stressors in the owner’s life that may prevent them from thinking rationally. All any trainer can do, all a trainer is responsible to do, is to find the best solutions for the owner that meet the dog’s needs. And if there are no solutions, that has nothing to do with the trainer. Sometimes there really are no solutions.
I’ve reached a point now that when I come to such an impasse with my clients, I first reach out to colleagues to make sure I’ve thought of every possible solution that might be acceptable or feasible to the owner. And once I’ve done that, if there truly is no reasonable accommodation that can meet everyone’s needs, I now tell the owner, “This is what your dog needs to accomplish your goals. These are your options. I’d love to help guide you to success on any of these paths. However, if none of these options are feasible for you, it may be prudent to ask yourself if this dog is a good match for you. Can you meet this dog’s needs, and can they meet yours? If not, rehoming [when safe to do so] is the best way to meet everyone’s needs."
Again, our responsibility is to understand dog behavior, to assess what a dog needs to meet the goals of the owner, and to provide the best path forward based on the owner’s resources. It is also to gently guide and encourage that owner, being mindful to apply our learning and behavior knowledge to the owner’s experience as well, thus setting them up for success and motivating them to whatever degree is possible without having access to or control of their entire environment.
And then, we need to let them make their own choices. We provide a path to good outcomes. We communicate what the dog needs. We teach people. And then, we go home and let the people make their own choices because that is where our responsibility ends.
I think the secret to avoiding burnout is full acceptance that our power to modify the behavior of humans is limited because the only environment we can control is the one we are in, and the influences in any client’s life extend far beyond our own environment.
So surrender the client’s responsibility to the client. Know your job well. Get creative. Be empathetic. Consult with colleagues when needed. And, at the end of the day, accept the limitation of your position within the client’s environment, and let them make their own choices. It’s hard. We all desperately want only good outcomes. We frequently love these dogs more than their owners. Sometimes, the owners love their dogs immeasurably, and it's heartbreaking to see their anguish over their own lack of resources. We got into this business to help dogs. But when we let go of that part of the responsibility that isn’t actually ours in the first place, we preserve our mental health so that we can better help another dog and their owner. We really can’t help everyone. But we can help a whole lot more if we can maintain that necessary mental boundary.
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